Insecurities
by CaptainBrieOnToast
Summary: You're having a quiet day with your boyfriend Jihoon when suddenly he asks you about your insecurities... A Seventeen Jihoon/you imagine.


"Hey, y/n?"

You look up, sliding your glasses back up on your nose as you pull your attention away from your book up to your boyfriend.

You two haven't been together for too long. It's really only been a few months but you're already surprisingly comfortable doing the small things around him. He had been busy doing some work at his desk while you read on the sofa. You hadn't even noticed that he had stopped paying attention to his work to look at you.

"What's up?" You asked him softly.

He tilted his head, his lips spread across his face in a weirdly serious look. You generally loved to look at him. You weren't with him for his looks or anything but you had to appreciate how beautiful Jihoon was. Those striking dark eyes, the way his hair fell in his face. How had you ever gotten to be fortunate enough to be able to touch those beautiful strands of hair?

"What are your insecurities?" He asked. You blinked, tilting your head to the side.

"Heh, what?" You asked in surprise.

He stared at you with that weirdly serious look on his face and approached you slowly. You found it a little terrifying the way he looked at you. There was no trace of amusement on his lips. His mouth generally was settled into this distinctive smile, his eyes curved with it, his cheeks puffed out to complete the precious expression. But this? This was nothing like that. His eyes were fiercely fixed on you. He sat down beside you and held out his hand for you to place your hand in his. Normally you would without hesitation.

You did not take his hand this time.

"Seriously, y/n, what are your insecurities?" Jihoon repeated softly. "I was thinking about it, and you don't tell me much real stuff about yourself. The superficial things sure, but the other stuff? Not really. I want to know about you."

"There's not much to tell, I'm a pretty open book," you replied immediately, a small panic rising in your chest. The look you received wasn't an amused one, so you revamped your answer. "Okay so, one of my top insecurities would be people _knowing_ my insecurities, so I would give _anything _to not have this conversation."

This time Jihoon reached forward, not waiting for permission to take your hand. He ran the pad of his thumb over the top of your hand, meaning to soothe you. It worked, he sure did know how to calm you down. You didn't know when he had figured out how much you really craved physical touch from him, but at some point, he had just started delivering. Whenever he saw you, he would hug you, before he left he would hug you. Whenever he noticed you feeling clingy he let you hold his sleeve, because he knew that sometimes holding hands was too much pressure for you. You especially loved when he let you lay your head on him when you were hanging out with all of your friends for too long.

"Come on, I plan on being with you for a while and you know how to read me like a book," Jihoon urged. "Let's even the playing field here."

"I-" The words died on your lips. God, you had no clue how come whenever it came to being open with people you couldn't bear to do it.

"What if I guessed? If I got it right would you tell me?"

You nod your head slowly. He smiled.

"Alright then."

He let go of your hand and looked away from you completely. His expression changed into one of contemplation. His eyes squinted a little, his lips quirked up in the corners just a bit.

"Eating in front of people, and laughing, and smiling," he stated. "You always cover your mouth when you do that, so it must have to do with your lips or your teeth."

You nod your agreement.

"My teeth, I'm paranoid about people really seeing my teeth. When I was younger people said that I ate with my mouth open. I got bullied pretty hard over it, so I started subconsciously covering my mouth when I ate. It sort of devolved into a thing," you explained.

His lips turned up a little more.

"Alright."

He fell into another short silence.

"When you talk and people don't hear you," he added. "You talk quietly sometimes, but if you don't think someone is listening, your voice gets quieter and you drop your eyes…"

"I don't know what it is about me but no matter the tone of voice I take people don't always hear me. I hate being ignored. It hurts, a lot," you agreed. "It sounds clingy but I don't know what I would do if you ever didn't hear me."

Jihoon chuckled.

"I'm obsessed with everything about you, I don't know how I could not hear anything that you had ever said."

You laughed a little too, but it was quiet.

"I'm supposed to be…" You trailed off uncomfortably. "I'm supposed to be someone that everyone can look up to. I'm bright and happy, and I listen to what others have to say and my life is a mess but in a cute funny way that everyone loves. I'm not supposed to have problems. I'm not supposed to need to talk to someone. I… I can't be a burden on someone. That's why it bothers me so much when I get ignored. I can barely get myself to talk about myself. But when I do and nobody even hears, it wrecks me and I can't confide in anyone because well, even though everyone says they care… They don't really you know?"

You've never been able to tell anyone this. It's pretty stupid. You know it is, but it's so hard for the words to leave your mouth even around someone you trust.

"I'm terrified of talking to people I don't know. Especially males. I genuinely have a male phobia. I don't know when it started but the reason I never wanted to spend time with you alone when we first met is because no matter how well I know a guy, it takes me ages for me to actually genuinely feel comfortable around them. Not only that but if I think someone is beginning to pick up on my issues, I will lie, and hide the truth as best as I can. Worst even, I purposely make it seem like I am bad at lying so no one will actually know that I'm really good at it."

You could feel yourself beginning to spiral a little bit, so you bit your bottom lip.

"I have trust issues, and anxiety, and a little bit of depression, and I don't think most people really realize how bad I have it."

Jihoon had been silent that whole time. He wasn't even looking at you anymore. He was instead looking at his hands. You glanced down and noticed the way that he was squeezing them. Your hand darted forward without thinking and you took his hands into yours.

"Hey, are you okay? What's wrong?" You asked. He glanced up at you.

"I had no clue how much you had going through your head," he responded slowly. "I knew you had a lot, and I knew that you had been dealing with a good deal of things. But… _jesus_ y/n, are you your own therapist or what?"

You faltered.

"I… Everything that you do for me is so much. Every day I'm with you I get just a little bit better," you admit. At first, you're worried that what you've said is too much, but you know you can't take it back now. So, instead, you get up and walk over to the piano. You hit the first few cords of the song stuck in your head and start to sing through the lyrics.

Symphony by Clean Bandit had always been a favorite of yours. The lyrics were touching and reminded you of the way that you had always known you would feel once you really fell in love.

"_Sorry if it's all too much, every day you're here I'm healing. And I was running out of luck, I never thought I'd find this feeling."_

Normally, you found it a little bit uncomfortable to sing in front of people, but watching Jihoon smile while you made your way through the song made you forget about all of that. Once you hit the last few piano keys you looked up at him. He smiled.

"Hey, y/n?" He said softly. You tilted your head.

"Yes, Jihoon oppa?"

He laughed at the addition of the name and scooted a little closer to you. He pressed his lips to yours, sending a shock through your body. You guys had already kissed a handful of times, but every time he kissed you it felt like the first time all over again.

Once he had pulled away you had to remind yourself exactly how to breathe.

"I love you," he said once he had pulled away. Your face reddened.

"I love you too," you whispered back. He got up from the piano bench and cupped your cheek for a moment.

"I'm going to change and take you out for dinner okay? How's that sound?"

All you did was smile and nod. You were really lucky to be with someone as thoughtful as Jihoon and you were pretty sure that no matter what happened in life you would have to fight to keep him with you forever.

And you were completely okay with that.


End file.
